Are you a Goat Tracker? Here's where you can find out, maybe. The front 9 of this survey was "constructed" in 2006 and the back 9 was added in 2008, following the example of a former favorite Track that added a back 9 to its great original 9-hole layout, Bel Compo GC. Most Trackers would take the survey like their golf, 9 at a time, but that's your call.
Survey Options: play the front 9 (tried and true); play the back 9 (still getting broken in)
Much like golf, you're responsible for keeping your own score on this survey. As opposed to playing 9 at a Track, the goal is to score over 40...then again, much like a round at a Goat Track, score is pretty much irrelevant. Click on the "check answers" links below each question to see how you fared. Good Luck.
The original Goat Tracker Survey, a/k/a the front 9, circa 2006.
1) Have you ever played a course where a body was found within 100 feet of the red stakes?
check/score answers
2) When confronted with the inevitable hardpan tee box, do you:
a) persist in putting the peg in the ground, even after you've broken 3 tees
b) pull a mini pry-bar and ball peen hammer out of your bag
c) just grip it & rip it, using a tee is overrated
check/score answers
3) Have you ever asked the BCC (beer cart chick) about her tattoos?
check/score answers
4) Do you factor in topspin to get over either a schmeg filled pond or a compacted (sand-optional) trap?
check/score answers
5) The last time you were in a trap, you thought:
a) wow, this sand's so soft, it reminds me of that trip to Antigua!
b) how far would I hit behind the ball if I landed on a cement sidewalk?
c) why couldn't I have hit that ******* rake to keep my ball out of the trap?
d) this is a better lie than I had on the tee
check/score answers
6) When addressing a putt on a green at a public course, you read the break:
a) from both in front of and behind the hole
b) more often than not
c) occasionally
d) never
check/score answers
7) Rate your skills with the "hand wedge" on a scale from 1 - 10
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8) The ball that you started your last 9 with was (a)
a) Titleist
b) Nike
c) Pinnacle
d) not sure, I just reached into the bag and found one
e) should've been a range ball, based on where my drive ended up
f) sure as hell not the same one I finished my round with
check/score answers
9) Last & least, which is your preferred means of gamesmanship?
a) picking up the flag while your opponent is trying to sink a very makable putt
b) talking during your opponent's backswing
c) general psychological warfare
d) allowing a marginal gimme on the first hole, ultimately followed by "I think you should finish that one" on an even shorter putt at a crucial juncture in the match (occasionally followed by "the vulcan death grip" and a huge choke job. See Rick Reilly's description of Sergio Garcia in match play in his book "Who's Your Caddy?" for details [check the Recommended Tracker Reading List]).
check score/answers
Since this is a self-scored survey, if you think you've convinced yourself that you have what it takes to be a Goat Tracker, congratulations! If you've scored more than 40 in this mess, you've done well and are probably a Tracker, even if you aren't aware of it or don't want to be.
If you're starting out on the back 9, great; if you're making the turn from the front 9 of the GT Survey, hopefully you grabbed a dog and a beer at the turn. Time to grip it & rip it.
The new Goat Tracker Survey, a/k/a the back 9, (construction completed March, 2008). As with any new course layout, the back 9 of the GT Survey can't possibly have exactly the same feel as the original 9, but aside from some minor format differences, it's pretty close. Most importantly, the questions and answers on the back are equally inane, make that thought inspiring, as those on the front.
10) Track Management, also known as "course management", is something that any seasoned Tracker takes into consideration and is part of what distinguishes the GT Sherpas from the rest of the Tracking crowd. Your most important Track Management consideration (among these options) is:
a) How many range balls and/or X-outs are in your bag
b) How many trips the BCC can be expected to make
c) Pace of play, i.e. determining whether you should bring your miner's helmet to play the last two holes
d) The "tree factor"
check score/answers
11) Most Trackers breach "proper golf etiquette" on occasion, either because it may be advantageous during a match or just for the hell of it. Your preferred "breach of etiquette" is:
a) Rolling it over in the rough or possibly the sand (if you can find it in the bunker that you're in)
b) The "bag drop", during another player's swing
c) "Shadow puppets" cast either over the hole or in the putting line of your opponent
d) The "half-finished story" as your opponent approaches a shot
check score/answers
12) Any outing at a Goat Track is bound to be full of errant tee shots. When confronted with one of your own, you:
a) Expect your caddy to find your ball reasonably quickly
b) Look for a dead squirrel that may have dropped from the tree you hit to help narrow your search
c) Look forward to the next shot because it provides an opportunity to demonstrate Track Acumen
d) "'Errant tee shot?' Based on experience, by definition that would be a shot that lands in the fairway in front of where I teed off. What's that all about?"
check chore/answers
13) You've arrived a few minutes early for your match at the Goat Track and have some time to hit the practice green; you use that time to:
a) Get an idea of the speed of the greens on the course
b) Work on your putting stroke, stressing the importance of a consistent, pendulum-like stroke
c) Go back to the clubhouse and grab some beers
d) Check the inventory of balls and tees in your bag
check score/answers
14) Weather (i.e. Tracking conditions) is occasionally a consideration when planning a trip to the Goat Track. To quote Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa", a movie full of great quotes, "They can't all be winners, can they?" When confronted with potentially iffy weather on the links (7 or less on the Keneyriffic Index), your first thought when arriving at the course is:
a) "Is the neon light lit up at the 19th?"
b) "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
c) "Hey, this could be free golf today!"
d) "Do I have a 1-iron in my bag?"
check scores/answers
15) Tee box divots are a common site at most courses, especially at Goat Tracks. When standing amongst them and teeing up, your first thought is:
a) Hey, anything that's in better shape than beachfront property in Vieques is cool with me
b) So much grass seed, so little grass
c) If they were a little deeper, I could stand in one and tee my ball at waist level
d) Glad someone scraped those unsightly green spots off the tee box
check scores/answers
16) A lot of Trackers have "Driving Accuracy" stats that are comparable to Tiger's (i.e., less than spectacular). For 99.99999% of us, the ability to work from the rough and other uncharted areas on (and off) the course hasn't been nearly as financially lucrative. As a seasoned Goat Tracker, you have addressed your "driving accuracy deficiency" by:
a) Getting a poison ivy immunization shot over the winter
b) Stocking up on range balls and/or "x-outs"
c) Getting LASIK sugery to improve your vision to 30/10
d) "Deficiency, my ass! I've got better options in the next fairway, anyway!"
e) Buying floating golf balls
check scores/answers
17) Tree shots (not to be confused with "tee shots"): when behind one of the trees that stands between your ball and the pin, you:
b) Play it like a masse shot in billiards
c) Move the ball away from the root
d) Focus on the 85% that is air
e) Imagine that you're hitting your next shot on a California Track
check score/answers
18) The most important aspect of The 19th Hole is:
a) that the light is on at the 19th
b) that the parking lot is nearby
c) that there's at least one micro-brew on tap
d) that you have a good view of a finishing hole
e) someone named "Dakota" or "Summer"
f) none of the above
check score/answers
Kudos if you scored over 40 on the back 9; if you made the complete loop and scored higher than 80 on the first pass, you are deserving of the most sincere and respectful golf clap. In any event, if you saw your way through all of this, you probably have Tracker Potential. Good luck in achieving it!
