If you're starting out on the back 9, great; if you're making the turn from the front 9 of the GT Survey, hopefully you grabbed a dog and a beer at the turn.  Time to grip it & rip it.
The back 9 of the Goat Tracker Survey, (construction completed March, 2008).  As with any 9-hole layout that adds a new 9, the back 9 of the GT Survey can't possibly have exactly the same feel as the original 9, but aside from some minor format differences, it's pretty close.  Most importantly, the questions and answers on the back are equally inane, make that thought-inspiring, as those on the front.

10) Track Management, also known as "course management", is something that any seasoned Tracker takes into consideration and is part of what distinguishes the GT Sherpas from the rest of the Tracking crowd.  Your most important Track Management consideration (among these options) is:
    a) How many range balls and/or X-outs are in your bag
    b) How many trips the BCC can be expected to make
    c) Pace of play, i.e. determining whether you should bring your miner's helmet to play the last two holes
    d) The "tree factor"
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11) Most Trackers breach "proper golf etiquette" on occasion, either because it may be advantageous during a match or just for the hell of it. Your preferred "breach of etiquette" is:
    a) Rolling it over in the rough or possibly the sand (if you can find it in the bunker that you're in)
    b) The "bag drop", during another player's swing
    c) "Shadow puppets" cast either over the hole or in the putting line of your opponent
    d) The "half-finished story" as your opponent approaches a shot
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12) Any outing at a Goat Track is bound to be full of errant tee shots.  When confronted with one of your own, you:
    a) Expect your caddy to find your ball reasonably quickly
    b) Look for a dead squirrel that may have dropped from the tree you hit to help narrow your search
    c) Look forward to the next shot because it provides an opportunity to demonstrate Track Acumen
    d) "'Errant tee shot?'  Based on experience, by definition that would be a shot that lands in the fairway in front of where I teed off.  What's that all about?"
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13) You've arrived a few minutes early for your match at the Goat Track and have some time to hit the practice green; you use that time to:
    a) Get an idea of the speed of the greens on the course
    b) Work on your putting stroke, stressing the importance of a consistent, pendulum-like stroke
    c) Go back to the clubhouse and grab some beers
    d) Check the inventory of balls and tees in your bag
check score/answers

14) Weather (i.e. Tracking conditions) is occasionally a consideration when planning a trip to the Goat Track.  To quote Billy Bob Thornton in "Bad Santa", a movie full of great quotes, "They can't all be winners, can they?"  When confronted with potentially iffy weather on the links (7 or less on the Keneyriffic Index), your first thought when arriving at the course is:
    a) "Is the neon light lit up at the 19th?"
    b) "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
    c) "Hey, this could be free golf today!"
    d) "Do I have a 1-iron in my bag?"
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15) Tee box divots are a common site at most courses, especially at Goat Tracks.  When standing amongst them and teeing up, your first thought is:
    a) Hey, anything that's in better shape than beachfront property in Vieques is cool with me
    b) So much grass seed, so little grass
    c) If they were a little deeper, I could stand in one and tee my ball at waist level
    d) Glad someone scraped those unsightly green spots off the tee box
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16) A lot of Trackers have "Driving Accuracy" stats that are comparable to Tiger's (i.e., less than spectacular).  For 99.99999% of us, the ability to work from the rough and other uncharted areas on (and off) the course hasn't been nearly as financially lucrative.  As a seasoned Goat Tracker, you have addressed your "driving accuracy deficiency" by:
    a) Getting a poison ivy immunization shot over the winter
    b) Stocking up on range balls and/or "x-outs"
    c) Getting LASIK sugery to improve your vision to 30/10
    d) "Deficiency, my ass!  I've got better options in the next fairway, anyway!"
    e) Buying floating golf balls
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17) Tree shots (not to be confused with "tee shots"):  when behind one of the trees that stands between your ball and the pin, you:
    b) Play it like a masse shot in billiards
    c) Move the ball away from the root
    d) Focus on the 85% that is air
    e) Imagine that you're hitting your next shot on a California Track
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18) The most important aspect of The 19th Hole is:
    a) that the light is on at the 19th
    b) that the parking lot is nearby
    c) that there's at least one micro-brew on tap
    d) that you have a good view of a finishing hole
    e) someone named "Dakota" or "Summer"
    f) none of the above
check score/answers

Kudos if you scored over 40 on the back 9; if you made the complete loop and scored higher than 80 on the first pass, you are deserving of the most sincere and respectful golf clap.  In any event, if you saw your way through all of this, you probably have Tracker Potential.  Good luck in achieving it!

Goat Tracker Survey:  The Third 9 (yes, we’ve expanded to 27 holes); this 9 is inspired by the Goody North Course and Westwoods, i.e. beginner level; should be nearly impossible to screw up, then again…

There are a lot of wannabe Goat Trackers out there aspiring to Sherpa status (and who can blame them) who haven’t quite yet grasped some of the basic concepts needed to put themselves on the path to Goat Tracking Enlightenment.  We’re here to help.  The questions/answers on this portion of the survey are constructed much like any beginner course, i.e. pretty straightforward and geared toward boosting your ego.  We’ve even limited the multiple choice answers to 3 on four of the questions.  If you’re an aspiring Goat Tracker, you may just learn something, at least we hope so.

Rather than spending time at the range or on the putting green prior to taking the GT Q-School survey, you may want to take a peek at this “instructional video” that Golfer Number Two saw on the local public access channel.  Not saying it’s the “end all be all,” but it’s certainly no more of a waste of time than hitting a bucket at the range.

"Par" on this survey is 35 (or 34, depending on how you choose to play/answer #5).  The objective on this 9 is to achieve the lowest score possible, as opposed to the other two 9’s on the GT survey, where a high score is commendable.  If you can keep it to about 5 over par in either format, you should be in good shape.  Enjoy the Survey because it sets up for more eagle opportunities that any of us can reasonably expect while at the Track. Good luck.

Onto the first tee:


1) [Mulligans] How many mulligans should you take during a casual round?

a) None.  I’m above that
b) None.  I’d hate to skew the scoring for the group/field
c) Hmmm…I see a great opportunity for a lateral drop.  I’m saving the mully for
later.
d) Can’t I take just one more crack at it?
e) I’ll take ‘em wherever I can get ‘em
check/score answers

2) [Grab Your Marbles] How many golf balls should you have in your pocket, in addition to the one you have in hand, on the way to the tee box?

a) 0
b) 1
c) 2
d) 3
e) Could be any of the above, but I always add one if it’s a water hole
check/score answers

3) [Swing advice] If you happen to be in the same rough, tree line, or next fairway over (left or right) as someone else who can’t break 60 for 9 holes, your approach to accepting swing tips should be:

a) Politely ignore, realizing that someone else in the same predicament with a similar skill level most likely can’t offer any useful swing advice
b) Get up to your ball and hit as quickly as possible to pre-empt any such advice
c) Tell that person that he/she should follow your lead as you hammer out of it (believe in your shot)
check/score answers

4) [Holing Out] We’ve all been there; waiting to hit into a green while the group ahead gives the impression that mortgage payments, car titles… and quite possibly of the future of the universe as we know it… ride on the outcome of a 4-foot putt.  If you and your group are on the front end of such a potential mishap, with an open tee box (or more) in front of you, your approach is:

a) look back to guage how eager/able the group behind you is to launch an approach shot into you
b) line up your putt and plumb bob it a few times
c) mark and clean your ball, then sink the putt
d) beg for a gimme, even though it’s not
check/score answers

5) [Time Travel] This hole has two different layouts, similar to the 16th at Airways and the 3rd at (the shopping complex formerly known as) Canton Public GC (moment of silent reverence, please), both of which might be played as either a short par-4 or a par-5 over water, depending on seasonal wetland conditions.

(the par-5 version) Revisiting a version of an age-old math problem that we’re all familiar with:  Group A can play 9 holes at a typical Goat Track in 2 hours, 10 minutes; Group B typically takes 2 hours, 35 minutes to play the same 9.  Group A tees off right behind Group B.  How long does it take group A to play 9 holes from the time they tee off?

a)    2 hrs. 10 min.
b)    2 hrs. 25 min.
c)    2 hrs. 35 min.
d)    2 hrs. 45 min.
check/score answers

(the par-4 version) When you’ve got a foursome crawling up your ass, you:

a)    pick up the pace of play
b)    wave the group behind through after they’ve teed off on a par 4
c)    let them play through on a par 3
d)    analyze your last shank from where you hit it
check/score answers

6) [Lost m’balls] Not exactly unfamiliar territory on your laps around the Track, to be sure.  Your preferred m.o. on a “seek and hit” quest is:

a) I think this one could be mine
b) I’m determined to find it, but I can’t
c) I’m taking the lateral drop
check/score answers


7) [Ready golf/playing in turn] If one or more golfers in your group has advanced in front of your projected shot path as you hit from either the rough or a familiar tree line, a common occurrence, you:

a)    didn’t give them a heads up
b)    should hit towards them because “projected” and “actual” shot paths…well the chances of them converging are pretty f***ing slim.
c)    assume they’re implying that you should punch out
check/score answers


8) [Flag Placement] The person who pulls the pin on the green is

a) The one with the shortest putt
b) The one who can get to it first
c) The one with a live grenade
check/score answers

9) [Closing the Loop] You line up and sink a putt for double par (highest recordable score per the Rules of Goat Tracking*) from about 3 feet on the last hole, with a group waiting to hit behind you as sunset, if not complete darkness, sets in.  The next words out of your mouth are:

a)    “Wow!  Glad I made that.”
b)    “Great round.  Thanks.  Enjoyed playing with you all”
c)    “The first round is on me.”
d)    None of the above applies
check/score answers