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...or maybe the Goat Track has found you...either way, this is where you can heed "the Call of the Track" and see what it's all about. Golf course reviews, commentary & essential golf gear, all with Tracker perspective & attitude. Take some time to wander around the Goat Track.
The GHO Update
Just to clear up any potential misconceptions, we're referring to the Greater Hick Open, a name coined by a former fellow UCONN Jungle dweller to aptly name the match between the hicks from Vernon and the more "civilized" suburban & urban hackers; a true homage to the tournament formerly known as the Greater Hartford Open, now known as the Travelers Championship (thanks for bailing it out, but it's a sackless name).
Former host courses include Whitney Farms (Sargeant Slaughter's home course, for any WWE fans), Blue Fox Run, Lyman Meadows, and Tunxis. Prior to the 2009 rain-soaked clusterfest, the most recent GHO was held at Keney in 2007, on Dollar Day no less. The GHO was never designated as a Goat Track event; it's all about balance, sometimes you need to get off the Goat Track to appreciate all that's on it. (as a frame of reference, the GHO ramblings below work in reverse chronological order, for the most part)
Former host courses include Whitney Farms (Sargeant Slaughter's home course, for any WWE fans), Blue Fox Run, Lyman Meadows, and Tunxis. Prior to the 2009 rain-soaked clusterfest, the most recent GHO was held at Keney in 2007, on Dollar Day no less. The GHO was never designated as a Goat Track event; it's all about balance, sometimes you need to get off the Goat Track to appreciate all that's on it. (as a frame of reference, the GHO ramblings below work in reverse chronological order, for the most part)
GHO 2009
The evolution of the Greater Hick Open continues. In its 2009 incarnation, the GHO combined the spirit of the old Greater Hick Open with the conditions expected at a GT Minor Event. Combining the two at Goody, one of Golfer Number Two's favorite Tracks, was almost too good to be true.
The Kam-man lined up quite the foursome for this event, adding Ornery Bob, Chairman Thao, and Golfer Number Two to his group.
We'll try not to bore our readers to death with the minutiae surrounding this most enjoyable afternoon, but rather provide some highlights of the event from a Goat Tracker perspective:
Slow Learners: Originally, the Snow Family Charity Golf Event (known to some at the GHO) was proposed as a two-ball scramble, which seemed like a good idea to us on a few fronts:
- great opportunity for side bets within the foursomes
- choosing from only 2 instead of 4 shots must speed up play
- better opportunity to keep the foursomes "honest." "We were 11 under, really..."
The best part of the tournament, as far as we were concerned, was the 50/50 Poker Kicker (anyone who runs a charity scramble should check the attachment; this was by far the best wrinkle ever added to this type of event that we've encountered) The kicker itself was slightly intriguing, but generally useless. What made it memorable was the entertainment value it provided.
That entertainment value manifested itself in the form of comic relief, aside from that which we were providing with our own errant tee shots. The women working the par-3's, handing out cards for the Poker Kicker, etc. really added a lot to this event. Can't emphasize that enough. That our foursome could hang out with them on the tee, while waiting for the group ahead of us to finish lining up putts like they had mortgage payments riding on them, was time well spent. It didn't take too long for us all to agree that the color-coded foursome in front of us was a bunch of peckerheads...and it just got funnier on each par-3.
As it turned out, there were two groups tied with scores of -6 ahead of us, (we finished at -2) so we couldn't have sniffed the low score even if we had a truffle pig in our group and the low score was covered in mushroom dust. A truffle pig that could bomb an occasional mid-iron shot at the pin may have been helpful though, but probably wouldn't have had nearly a colorful enough vocabulary to fit into our foursome.
Many thanks to the Kam-man for finding a way to continue the fine tradition of the GHO. It certainly lived up to or down to all expectations.
Summarizing the pre-season 2009 GHO Scheduling Cluster: When the idea of bringing back the GHO for 2009 first came up in the fall of 2008, at a UCONN football game of all places (fitting location, where three of the regular participants were tailgating, as well as some "options" for a fourth), we thought that our best hope for making this event happen in 2009 rested on the shoulders of the Tracker known as the Tavmanian Devil, a member of Glastonbury Hills CC. Playing at his private club could've either elevated this event to unknown heights or gotten him kicked out. We ran the numbers, figured out the magnitude of the legal retainer potentially required to keep his membership in good standing after we were done, and pulled back from planning to hold the 2009 GHO there. The fact that no invite was forthcoming was completely irrelevant.
8/3/09 The GHO Lives! We've lowered the bar by agreeing to play a scramble in October, but thanks to the Kam-man, Ornery Bob, and several unnamed bailout artists,we've got an event on tap worthy of GHO status. To be played at Goodwin GC, with three former Windham Hall residents on board (which is the key element for making it an event worthy of GHO status). It's all good. Look for a wrap-up on this page following the event/debacle. The "two player scramble" format should be interesting, if not antagonistic.
It's worth noting that (some semblance of) the GHO is making a comeback after the proverbial fork was stuck firmly into it, as noted below:
The 2009 GHO Scheduling Fiasco (stick a fork in it, it's done, 7/09)
As unfortunate as it may have been to have to euthanize the GHO, it was good to soak it all in, appreciate how much fun it was in its heyday, and understand that it could no longer continue, much like the namesake PGA event itself...and then move the whole thing forward.
(in hindsight, the "potential replacement event," known as the GT Futures Tournament can't quite replace or stack up to the GHO, in whatever form it takes.). We gave it a shot, but no such luck. Even the Rhode Island double-dip documented on the More Tracks page isn't quite GHO material. On the other hand, we at the Goat-Track.com site are still more than happy to give it up for the
kind of pub the sign at left provides. Kudos to GT Duke for putting the whole GT Futures Tournament together.6/19/09 Update: Ornery Bob has gone "rodeo style" on the mess otherwise known as the GHO scheduling front. We're not sure whether he can either stay on for the full eight and/or take this thing by the horns and wrestle this clusterf**k to the ground, but he's giving it a helluva try so far. Proposed bailout date set for those who shall remain nameless is 7/10. Clowns in barels, ready to go. Let the fun begin!
6/15/09 Update: Golfer Number Two got wind that Tower Ridge CC is running a variation of its fall golf special a bit early this year ($35 for 18 w/cart weekdays before 10 a.m., an exceptional deal). Acting Event Coordinator/Clusterf**k Manager, Ornery Bob has helped to put things back in motion. Big Al has tried to suck the others into the "throw out a date for me to work with (...and that I can eventually bail on)" con, but we're almost too smart to fall for that again. Stay tuned.
5/8/09 update: Ornery Bob and Golfer Number Two have concluded that the Tavmanian Devil doesn't have enough legal counsel on retainer to afford him the opportunity to invite us to his club for the 2009 GHO. Ever resourceful, Ornery Bob is exploring the opportunity for the Greater Hick Open to be held on the same course, TPC River Highlands, as the other tournament formerly known as the GHO (now the Travelers Championship). If it happens, it will be nothing short of a Costanza-esque "worlds colliding" moment and probably a sign of the apocolypse. Stay tuned.
The 2008 GHO Scheduling Fiasco
Following a successful GHO in 2007 at Keney, the email chain for a follow-up in 2008 began fairly early this year and as implausible as two consecutive GHO's may be, we'll try to guide the scheduling clusterfuck to a successful conclusion.
7/21 Update: The "suggested GHO Window" seems to be getting as much traction as...use your own metaphor for going absolutely nowhere...
7/7 Udate: Ramping up again with a "suggested GHO Window" in late July and looking at Hawk's Landing as the mutually inconvenient location, based on the recon provided on the More Tracks page.
6/12 Update: Back to the ol' grind...time to come up with another potential GHO date. The fact that we got two "no go's" prior to anyone having a chance to truly bail out at the 11th hour represents progress in scheduling this event, in its own twisted way.
6/10 Update: One down, one to go. Big Al has declined to participate in the GHO on the proposed date, now all it takes is one more "no go" to scrap 6/23 and move the scheduling cluster forward a month or two. The suspense is absolutely unbearable!
5/29 Update: This is a completely new wrinkle. No bailouts as of yet, but no one on board enough for a classic bailout either. Quite intriguing. Big Al is still flying stealthily under the radar or ignoring us altogether.
5/22 Update: Proposed date for the 2008 Greater Hick Open is 6/23 at the UGT (Urban Goat Track), Keney Public, which syncs up nicely with the end of the other GHO a/k/a "The Travelers Championship" (at TPC River Highlands) on 6/22. Maybe Lefty will stop by the UGT and take a few hacks with us. Too early for the usual invitees to bail, so all is good so far.
Highlights of the email chain that kicked it off for 2008, back in March:
Golfer Number Two: "FYI, Tower Ridge has an April special, $40 w/cart. If that's of interest, let me know."
Big Al: "The bailout machine is revved up and ready to roar! Count me in!"
Ornery Bob: "I'm ready to start the 2008 sod-beating season. Maybe if we can lock in the April rate for late September, when we finally get our heads out of our asses, we can make this thing happen."
Following a successful GHO in 2007 at Keney, the email chain for a follow-up in 2008 began fairly early this year and as implausible as two consecutive GHO's may be, we'll try to guide the scheduling clusterfuck to a successful conclusion.
7/21 Update: The "suggested GHO Window" seems to be getting as much traction as...use your own metaphor for going absolutely nowhere...
7/7 Udate: Ramping up again with a "suggested GHO Window" in late July and looking at Hawk's Landing as the mutually inconvenient location, based on the recon provided on the More Tracks page.
6/12 Update: Back to the ol' grind...time to come up with another potential GHO date. The fact that we got two "no go's" prior to anyone having a chance to truly bail out at the 11th hour represents progress in scheduling this event, in its own twisted way.
6/10 Update: One down, one to go. Big Al has declined to participate in the GHO on the proposed date, now all it takes is one more "no go" to scrap 6/23 and move the scheduling cluster forward a month or two. The suspense is absolutely unbearable!
5/29 Update: This is a completely new wrinkle. No bailouts as of yet, but no one on board enough for a classic bailout either. Quite intriguing. Big Al is still flying stealthily under the radar or ignoring us altogether.
5/22 Update: Proposed date for the 2008 Greater Hick Open is 6/23 at the UGT (Urban Goat Track), Keney Public, which syncs up nicely with the end of the other GHO a/k/a "The Travelers Championship" (at TPC River Highlands) on 6/22. Maybe Lefty will stop by the UGT and take a few hacks with us. Too early for the usual invitees to bail, so all is good so far.
Highlights of the email chain that kicked it off for 2008, back in March:
Golfer Number Two: "FYI, Tower Ridge has an April special, $40 w/cart. If that's of interest, let me know."
Big Al: "The bailout machine is revved up and ready to roar! Count me in!"
Ornery Bob: "I'm ready to start the 2008 sod-beating season. Maybe if we can lock in the April rate for late September, when we finally get our heads out of our asses, we can make this thing happen."
The 2007 GHO
The nonsense came to a successful conclusion in 2007!
7/17 To quote Al Michaels, "Do you believe in miracles??? YES!!!"...or to quote Marv Albert, "YESHHHHHH!!!"
Talk about a confluence of events...not only did the weather hold up, not only did a potential 11th hour bailout go by the wayside, not only was the event held at the esteemed and inimitable Urban Goat Track (Keney), but the GHO went off without a hitch. As unlikely as it was to receive the Van Cortlandt update from "Dr. Honeydew" last week, pulling this event off was just as impressive, if not moreso. Unfortunately, Ornery Bob had to leave after 13 holes, but the match had pretty much disintegrated by then anyway. The Good Guys (non-hicks) finished down 3 on the front nine and yours truly accepts a big chunk of the blame there. As was noted around the 6th hole, we were "zigging and zigging" (i.e., either two pars or none), while they were "zigging and zagging" (i.e. taking turns getting pars), and they had the match in a Nugent-esque stranglehold. Funniest thing about the event was that it didn't set up well for Ornery's bail & wail "course management". To his credit though, Ornery recorded the only birdie of the day, despite giving us a lot to convulsively laugh about on his majestic, errant tee shots. His creative, profanity-laced outbursts are second to none on the links
Aside from the comments noted on the BCC page, some of the more Track-worthy/noteworthy events & observations of the day were:
1) rock-hard tee boxes (mid-season Track form), especially on the back 9; to the point where Fred went tee-less on #12, and hit what was probably his best drive of the day (Tracker style points awarded for the effort). I made the mistake of possibly popping a few blood vessels trying to hammer a tee into the ground and should've taken my own advice from the GT survey, especially since I knew the right thing to do, possibly bringing my own Track acumen into question, at least momentarily.
2) the tirade: as Tavs insightfully pointed out after the conclusion of our round, although Big Al wasn't able to join us for this Great Event, he was there in spirit. On the back nine, his replacement, Fred, a/k/a "Due Passe" (pronounced 'DOO-ay POSS-ay' from the Italian language) let loose with a continuous verbal tirade against the slow-playing group in front of us that was reminiscent of Al's previous bouts with Tourette's syndrome at prior GHO's. There was justifiable concern on #17 that a player in the group ahead of us had played Due Passe's ball, which would've unleashed retribution not even known in the north end of Hartford. Fortunately, his ball was still in play and we didn't have to go to police HQ for questioning regarding a homicide investigation.
3) the lunar landing: the craterous landing area on the 16th fairway, which reminded us of the surface of the moon. A classic example of Track conditions.
7/16 We apparently have an implied acceptance on Tavs' part (and inferred acceptance on our part), so we're clear for takeoff on the GHO. Keeping fingers crossed re. the weather, but hopefully the golf gods smile as favorably on this event as they did on the 2006 UGTO, which went off without a hitch under potentially ugly conditions.
7/15 The tee time has been set, all that remains is for the elusive Tavmanian devil to confirm his appearance. Tension you can cut with a knife.
7/7 Waiting for the "Tavmanian Devil" to respond and/or return from vacation. Ornery Bob has extended the offer to Tavs to participate in an unparalleled afternoon of golf entertainment at the esteemed UGT. This would be nearly unprecedented, bringing two newbies to the UGT (it's happened once before), but I can assure them (especially the heir to the bailmeister throne) that it will be an experience better than any other GHO outing. Let's see how it all works out.
5/19 Going with alternate titles as a tribute to Bullwinkle: "Applications Now Being Accepted" or..."A Groundhog in Our Midst" (not to be confused with "Gorillas in the Mist")
Not to kick anyone while he's down, but we now have our own "Carl Pavano" (aka "groundhog" per Yankees Haiku) in the group. On the plus side, an actual injury is easier to deal with than the litany of bailouts that we'd otherwise have to endure from the Maestro and we hope his time on the disabled list is short. The net result is that we may be dipping into a fairly shallow talent pool for a new 4th.
A brief reverse chronology of the 2006 cluster & bailout process:
10/12: FINAL 2006 UPDATE. Choose your cliché, "stick a fork in it, it's done", the Vitalism "start the bus, baybeee, this one is over!" (this is of course abridged; Dicky V would continue to beat the analogy to death for at least five minutes).
The long and short of it is that short-term planning works no better than long-term planning for this "event". Today's effort to rally the troops was a last ditch effort that was given a slim chance of success and fell predictably short. Big Al introduced an interesting concept (jokingly, I hope), virtual golf. The question there is whether there's a programmer sharp enough to incorporate the aspects of the "virtual bailout" into virtual golf. Whoever can do that will have truly captured the essence of the golf outing.
7/28: According to the Random House College Dictionary, the definition of insanity is: 1) the condition of being insane; more or less permanent derangement of one or more psychical functions, due to disease of the mind. A more common definition, made popular by Sigmund Freud, is: repeating the same behavior under the same conditions and expecting a different result. Such is the status of trying to schedule the GHO; shelved until after Labor Day, just to avoid falling into the "insanity trap".
7/21: After floating 7/29 as the next option, there was a 75% positive response with the one "no go" from the same party as the last go round.; however, with a new bailout wrinkle, (paraphrasing) "I can't go 7/22 because of a social function. I can't go 7/29 because that function got moved from 7/22 to 7/29." As previously noted, he's a true master of the art of the bail. Recruiting efforts are underway to find a new 4th. It's been done before, so breaking with tradition isn't really a concern. At some point you just need to face reality and move on.
7/18: Well, as sure as the sun rose in the east, there was a GHO bailout Monday. Next tentative date is 7/29. Here we go again...
7/15: Holy sheepshit, Batman! We have an "in" response from one of the last two m.i.a. hackers for the GHO! The only one left is the quintessential bailmeister, a man who has raised bailing to an art form. With 3 out of 4 pieces of the puzzle perfectly in place, my guess is that, as usual, there will be a bailout and the excuse given will be extremely weak. Stay tuned...
7/14: No word from the last two invitees. Follow-up efforts will be ramped up next week to attempt to close the loop. There are only 2 possible outcomes: 1) we need to pick another date, or 2)everyone accepts 7/22, the field is set, and all that remains is placing your bets on the "bailout pool".
