This page is an offshoot of the "Haiku Thursday" feature on marseliworld.com, with singular focus on the New York Yankees. It would be too easy to have another blog where everyone could rant about the ups & downs of the Bronx Bombers; however, limiting each rant to 17 syllables is both enlightening and entertaining. For a blog with some hilarious pics and good all-around content check out nomaas.org. For other baseball related stuff, check the "Spring Training: Rants, Raves & Reviews" section of the BCC page for a review of the spring training/minor league ballparks in the Tampa area from 2007.
If you've found your "Haiku Chi" and can compress your thoughts into a 3-line, 5-7-5 syllable format, send them to goattracker@yahoo.com and they'll be posted, possibly inspiring other fans or haters.
Note: Some of the references in the Haiku on this page will make absolutely no sense unless you follow the Yanks on the YES network and even then they may not make much sense.
Thanks to all who have contributed to Yankees Haiku, including those who found their way here through the NY Times Torre Haiku blog. As for the unofficial Haiku Awards...the "Most Inspiring Haiku Event of 2006" was "Star Wars Night" in KC; absolutely surreal. The Honors for 2007, again, go to the KC promotions department for coming up with the "George Brett pine tar t-shirt" giveaway and "girls night out" happy hour while the Yankees were in town late July, but there has to be some home field advantage and the award for "Most Inspiring Haiku Event of 2007" goes to the foul pole squirrel! The award fpr Muse of 2008 is up for grabs, but the frontrunner is The Giambi Slumpbuster Thong. We're hoping for something equally tacky, but less disturbing in July.
Onto the Haiku......Deep Thoughts and Random Musings from the aficionados of the GT site & Yankees Haiku...(we'd like to think that pop culture icon Godzilla Chick [pictured below at Legends field 2003] would approve)...
tack-on offense lives!
salvage one against Rangers
firrst two games absent
6/2 - 6/8 after the reacharound...er, wraparound series with the Twins, home for the Jays and Royals, including Joba's first major league start.
Damon's 'stache is gone
monster six for six effort
more hits with shaved head?
which is easier
three-two or twelve-eleven
Yanks opt for latter
no breaks for Rasner
solid starts without the wins
score the man some runs!
Joba overload
all glued for two and one third
some perspective please
broadcast minutiae
please limit pitch count mentions
Kay sounds like Rain Man
5/20 -5-25: The O's and the M's at home, possibly the last chance for some early season "feel good wins"
sweeping deja vu
woe the hapless Mariners
thanks for giftwrapping
Ichiro lunch break
serving up Yankees comeback
out of character
kickin' it old school
Joe channels Billy Martin
scrappy walk off win
where did this come from?
gutty Ian and walk off
fans have cause to cheer
"Offensive malaise"
quoth insightful Michael Kay
so it continues
less than triumphant
A-Rod's return not enough
clunker let it go
"Andy needs to get through fourth"
more pithy wisdom from Kay
is the earth round too?
5/2 - 5/4 Sweep of the M's and a much-needed roster change
looking in mirror
Yankees see how bad they've been
glimpse at Mariners
new South Park casting
Ian Kennedy as Tweek
"Way too much pressure!!!"
Hello Red Roof Inn
New York press or the New Wife
which pressure is more?
Kennedy sent down
another one-hit wonder
a minor setback
Opening Week Haiku, 2008 version
noble red-tailed hawk
new species of chowdah-head
attacks A-Rod-ette
as Moooooooooooose call subsides
new fan rumbling in da Bronx
Huuuuuuuuuuuughes chants rock rafters
HOF haiku
long before Aflac
there was a Goose in the pen
that spelled insurance
apart from the flock
Goose migrates to Cooperstown
Jim Ed Rice wings clipped?
Performance Enhanced Haiku
Rocket and trainer
circus moves to Capital
peanuts, popcorn, roids
an inch of respect
not a lie if you believe
just ask Costanza
now your turn Rocket
Pettitte tries to clear the air
stench of cheating hangs
Talk radio rage?
Justice rants in self-defense
no needles for me!
really no point in dignifying the Sox series sweep with haiku, so we'll move on to the beating that A-Rod and Boras deserve
ill-timed press release
new boss same as the old Boss
door will not hit ass
Some World Series "Turncoat Giuliani" posts from Marseliworld.com
the Yankee Flipper
no more respect for Rudy
kissing butt for votes
Rudy lost my vote
let him take a ride with Ted
two-tming traitor
hoping that it wasn't necessary, but here's Torre haiku, post-firing and post-hiring (for more Torre haiku, check the NY Times Torre haiku contest)
"Ouch, my arm hurts, skip!"
Proctor prepares for next year
Torre with Dodgers
(a 1st time post from Mack/Cheryl)
we have lost Torre
but we have gained Girardi
Joe face Joe in fall?
(one from 1st time contributor Steve P.)
good team chemistry
both press and Boss harmony
Joe, why did you go?
where is Ms. Crabtree
aplogists abounding
"sit down and shut up!"
no more dugout naps
Yankees decide to move on
where will Joe sleep next?
"long and whiny road"
no Sir Paul to justify
part ways and be done
job well done for five
Casey did not depart pleased
accept and move on
9/21 - 9/30 wrapping up the regular season
too late for plumber
Flushing season down toilet
schadenfreude in Queens
Trop fans have fever
with only one prescription
give them more cowbell!
Yanks lucky thirteen
playoff trips and star player
collision course looms
bullpen auditions
Bruney pitched himself right out
Alex slam wasted
this is not Kansas
where are the brains in dugout
Torre still looking
8/20 - 8/27 off to Anaheim for their customary beating at the hands of the Angels then off to Detroit for a rematch against the Motor City Kitties
time to make Moose tracks
another washed up pitcher
make way for young arms
open Moose season
bagged tagged stuffed mounted carcass
shell of former self
Led Zep outfielders
"Communication Breakdown"
Melky and Bobby
8/6 - 8/12 at Toronto for a plunkfest and off to the Jake for a big series against the Tribe
payback is a bitch
five game Rocket suspension
hopefully worth it
benches clearing twice
Towers looking like Sean Penn
camera crew beware
"Are you talkin' to me?"
A-rod goes Travis Bickle
where is fair Iris
Pithy Michael Kay
quoth "Chamberlain does not Wilt"
punster on the loose
7/23 - 7/29 on the road in KC (including promos for the pine tar bat game and "girls night out at the K") then off to Camden Yards
A-rod souvenir
front row fan goes "Spinal Tap"
opts to "smell the glove"
Yanks cannot find broom
Royals mop up Thursday night
sweep in Charm City?
Kaufmann "girls night out"
prom night pitching gives it up
offense gags swallows
series finale
"girls night out" brings fans good cheer
high pitched crowd approves
Moose saved from himself
hook from Torre in sixth frame
pre-empts Moose meltdown
Royals fans hubris
celebrate Brett's pine tar bat
Yanks beat tar from them
7/2 - 7/8 closing out the pre-all-star break homestand with the Twins and the "Los Angeles Angels of Aneheim at 2000 Gene Autry Way, ZIP 92806"
bi-polar offense
useless bats on Saturday
useless stats Sunday
can't blame the pitching
never lose Old Timers day
bats show when they want
MASH unit Cairo
"suicide (squeeze) is painless"
agressive offense
Kay call outside box
"hitting orgy continues"
Caligula game?
"Bunting Bobby" stares
amazing upper deck shot
can't gawk at a bunt
6/15 - 6/24 wrapping up interleague play with the Mets, the debacle against the Rockies, and the Giants
Gilligan's Island
situational hitting
Yanks maroon sixteen
offensive outburst
three run Rocky finale
truly offensive
Rocky Mountain low
uphill climb for Yanks offense
stuck at sea level
on subway platform
Glavine waits for two nine six
Yanks not stopping there
5/30 - 6/3 after a brief bout of "haiku fatigue" (not to be confused with Clemens' "groin fatigue"), it's time to ramp up again (series finale against the Jays & onto the Red Slobs at the Fens)
Chernobyl defense
Yankees melt down in seventh
"Oh the humanity!"
Jete sightseeing tour
brings Dougie to see train tracks
then pushes him on
circle the wagons
Abreu surrounds fly ball
just cannot catch it
right field rush hour
rotary snags Abreu
circle, circle, E
"I can see for miles..."
groin pull too predictable
Rocket fails to launch
Friday night plunkfest
without Clemens or Pedro?
"prison pussy" gripes
"HA!" the Yankees win
primal scream from behind third
late rally springs forth
5/1 - 5/7 off to the launching pad in Arlington & back home for Ichiro & the Mariners,,,and then the Clemens signing...
weary Yanks bullpen
five inning starter added
too fatigued to cheer
Proctor the genius
no days off from manager
take the suspension
full moon overhead
werewolves and quality starts
strange things do happen
no-no and uh-oh
pitching and bats briefly click
pop goes the hamstring
4/17 - 4/22 Yanks host Cleveland & head to the land of chowdah
nine fifteen tee time
Sox foursome tees off on Wright
back to starter's shed
Wright makes record books
Chased early by home run fest
unmemorable
both starting and pen
Andy's efforts are wasted
from leads to losses
angry Joe Morgan
constant beratement of players
beating dead horses
keep Joe in dugout
dangerous on choppy seas
asleep at the helm
Andy leaves too soon
Torre in not so rare form
pen mismanagment?
two is not a trend
pen not dandy for Andy
third time is a charm
unbelievable
he is having fun with this
where are the boos now?
classic chowdah play
assault with deadly pizza
hold the anchovies
4/3 - 4/8 Rays & O's at the "Theater of Excellence"
boo birds leave Bronx nest
A-rod shoos them for one day
when to roost again?
here we go again
stay positive for Alex
nobody else will
I see none this year
fielding blunders are routine
golden glove award
Jeter's trophy case
saving room for more gold gloves?
much dust will collect
Bronx evening crisp, cool
Yanks' defense anything but
spring training......for what?
Ahhh...opening day
green grass and sloppy defense
thank you, Rays bullpen
SPRING TRAINING HAIKU
"just shut up award"
parting shots from choke artist
Sheffield finds new home
Alex and Jeter
a Bronx Tale of two shortstops
Private and Captain
misguided Moose call
gave it up in post-season
shut up pre-season
HOT STOVE HAIKU
go west old Unit
New York did not work for you
fill seats at "The BOB"
return of Pettitte
attitude returns to staff
fans' nostalgia reigns
dandy Andy back
pitching is still a problem
this will solve nothing
(some off-season negativity from DM)
9/21 Yanks clinch 9th consective AL East title during Sox nosedive
pride power pinstripes
Red Sox Nation a mere speck
Yankees Universe
Yanks clinch ninth title
Sox fans sit and wonder why
same old chant "next year"
crying in beer stops
Big Papi hits fifty-first
a Fenway smokescreen
9/16 So long, Jim "Kitty" Kaat
Kitty's last broadcast
mother nature deprives fans
class act will be missed
the anti-Leiter
no wasted effort from Kaat
all "free and easy"
9/8 Yanks visit Baltimore, home of MLB's favorite Desperate Housewife, Anna Benson
Charm City debate
they're real and spectacular
Yanks or Anna's cans
Yanks in Charm City
famous for brick construction
much like Anna's bod
9/5/06 Series opener at Kauffman Stadium was "Star Wars Night". Apparently having the World's Team in town wasn't enough of a draw. After spotting a fan in the stands in full Chewbacca costume DM suggested a Star Wars haiku theme.
The force was with them
bullpen out of control
nice Star Wars Night win
Kauffman Star Wars Night
Luke had the force for seven
pen went to dark side
Chewy in da house
where was Kim Jones as Leia?
Robbie Wan Cano
last good Royals team
in galaxy far away
the force has left them
light hitting for aix
light sabers in eighth inning
Yanks using the force
Other misc. observations from the dog days & race to the A.L East flag
Beantown laundry day
will fans use gentle cycle
sox throw in towel
Wells headed out west
Sea World manatee tank calls
chillin' with Flipper
Unit great through six
then from no-no to OH NO!
a big save for Mo
say "hip hip, Jorge!"
one more night in first we stay
not the hitting, eh
Royals sweep of Sox
unthinkable on Monday
harsh reality
three words rarely heard
"Giambi motors to third"
new life in dog days?
complete game shutout
no bullpen mismanagement
until tomorrow
Torre lights the match
gasoline is in the pen
kaboom! rout is on
great bullpen effort
six k's...then classic sandman
don't get used to it
6/13 - ..6/29: .Interleague Play, including the Wang injury.
golden sombrero
ultimate fashion statement
looking good Carlos!
misguided at-bat
rounding third headed to shelf
if he could just bunt
time for Monty Hall?
fans clamor "Let's Make a Deal"
waiting proves painful
5/26 - 6/1 on the road against the resurgent O's and some former New Britain Rock Cats in Minnesota
Fred Sanford series
salvaging one against O's
"LaTroy you dummy"
great outfield assist
Abreu finds right zip code
dialed in from right
"it is high...far...gone..."
Sterling must be getting hoarse
home run derby night
not quite All-Star Game
homers flying to Eutaw
a classic slugfest
play of Mariners
is sloppiness contagious?
O's reap benefits
5/12 - 5/18 Four against the juggernaut Rays, with Ian Kennedy inserted back into the rotation, then home for Johan in a Mets uniform and Giambi making an unexpected uniform change.
scoring position?
more like stranding position
a clutchless offense
Goldmember at first
adjusting in batter's box
a bit high and tight
Sisqo Giambi
slumpbusting takes bizarre turn
"thong thong thong" so wrong
What would Sterling say?
"it is high it is.far...gone!"
Giambi wedgie!
Steve Irwin offense
searching for rare run support
Rays sting Yankee bats
welcome back Ian
fine tuned and mentally tough?
please back up the talk
different Rays team?
pen does not grab ankles late
woe Yankees offense
Jason and Robbie
trying to leave "Interstate"
put the hammer down!
The Annual April Saga Continues
twenty-seven outs
"Bizarro World" rotation
more outs from bullpen
Bullpen Tea Party?
starters repesentation?
much pen taxation
Playoff Haiku - 2007 version
Gagne postseason
throw on your coveralls sport
it is garbage time
no rally monkey
fans opt for rally paddles
Ouch spanking ensues
8/28 - 9/2 Home for the Sox and Rays, including a tribute to the squirrel that spent game 1 against the Sox running up and dwn the right field foul pole.
hit when it means nil
Cy Young winners from Tampa?
clutch Andy hits bump
batty managers
Jedi mind trick from Torre
Rays offense stifled
Joba sends airmail
Prison Pussy takes offense
Fenway brawl pending
counting Thursday's K's
fans dig the foul pole squirrel
hanging its picture
uniform police
keeping Red Slobs up to code
looking good Tito!
Beatle in the house
Clemens against the Red Sox
Beckett on the run
squirrel draws applause
performance entertains fans
the moose not so much
Bronx indecision
squirrel climbs up and back down
whither Bronx Bombers
a blind Bronx squirrel
just trying to get a nut
may find a ring too
8/13 - 8/19 Home for the O's and Tigers and the passing of Phil "Scooter" Rizzuto
farewell to Scooter
new fans learn old reminisce
true Yankee Classic
raise a cannoli
remember all Scooter did
too good to forget
odd day in da Bronx
blowout made tolerable
remembering Phil
Always Holy Cow
Happy Birthday to you too
Scooter will be missed
Number ten Scooter
Yankees will never forget
Holy Cow Cora!
7/31 - 8/5 trade deadline & home series with Chi Sox & KC 5/8 - 5/13 hosting the beleagured Rangers & off to visit the M's 4/23 - 4/29 Trying to get back on track against the Rays & Jays before the Red Slobs roll into town sunshine peeks out quick no injuries yet
switch hitting homers
don't come back to earth Jorge
shades of Mick and Roy
break out Selsun Blue
Proctor for Betemit deal
fans left scratching heads
7/12 - 7/22 starting the 2nd half with 2 series with the Rays sandwiching 4 games at home against the Jays, plus a "melange" of other baseball minutiae.
weekend hits rain down
offensive stats now padded
for next hitting drought
new sheriff in left
Matsui-san brain cramping
Damon wears the star
no hook from Torre?
no eighth inning call to Mo?
Farnsnoggle still sucks
pen alter ego?
"cinco ocho" Papelbon
bust out mofo grill!
career malcontents
Shef and Lofton criticize
precedents worth nil?
filterless Sheffield
moronic comment buckshot
wounding only self
arsonist Sheffield
Leyland will be last bridge buned
scorched earth policy
Lucchino man crush
"I never stopped wanting him"
A-Rod to Beantown?
6/26 - 7/1 last leg of the road trip in Charm City and home for the A's
flammable Proctor
appearances and his gear
up in puff of smoke
hardly en fuego
bumpy outings by Proctor
highly flammable
Bronx one-hit wonder
new futility level
milk carton offense
fewer walked batters
maybe Torre won't use hook
Farnsnoggle tantrum
quoth the Big Tuna
"you are what your record says"
makes for long summer
rain and tarp conspire
field, potential win covered
frustrated and wet
great pen management
no Mo for Tuesday crunch time
brings mop on Wednesday
Proctor and Lou Reed
Take a Walk on the Wild Side
ninth inning meltdown
three walks in the ninth
tired of the excuses
there is no relief
6/7 - 6/10 wrapping up the road trip against the ChiSox and heading home for the Bucs including Rocket's 2007 debut
new neighbor in Bronx
Mister Splitty now resides
seasonal rental
term beaten to death
"Rocket relaunch" just shoot me
not from a silo
Mister two thousand
Torre reaches a milestone
hits wins kudos Joe
where to point finger
is it Moose, is it Torre?
"Usual Suspects"
more "stellar defense"
seven runs on saturday
does not earn day off
bulk postage applies
Yanks mail in last Rangers game
strangely, no Proctor
radio broadcast
zen Suzyn mind melds with Moose
"you can feel him think"
triple threat Coco
one more discouraging loss
"win streak" ends at one
plutonium-Rod
monster stats but losing month
radioactive
selective captain
would not address A-Rod boos
a daisy smooch for Joe
this is leadership?
Torre's apple polisher
save his job with wins
Stadium bunting
hang it in October games
not from the three spot
Coco has a fit
pitching held Red Sox in check
winning streak started
bat away from chin
Torre alert for whole game
Bomber slumber ends?
Slim Shady goes six
"once in a lifetime" relief
great under duress
yoga in baseball
would help prevent injuries
ball girls do it too
Hughes debuts, Yanks lose
Burnett puts Yanks' bats asnooze
bullpen still abused
no Rays of sunshine
April shower of losses
will May wins bloom soon?
4/9 - 4/15 Yanks travel to play the Rock Cats & A's; Dice-K's 1st start at Fenway
he is no Jeter
not the pitching some would say
Scutaro goes yard
new fielding mantra
charity begins at short
opponents grateful
Jete's new shoe closet
collection expands quickly
more boots than army
a DEET covered mitt
Abreu's glove repels flies
Oakland fly trap, not
call Ripley right now!
Jete snares liner to his LEFT
believe it or not
Dice-K first Fens start
Hernandez outshines flash bulbs
Sox phenom upstaged
bullpen second best
Lord knows they get enough work
starters past six, no
Elmo at Twins game
not tickled by shellacking
Monday "Elmo Says Boo!"
2006 PLAYOFF HAIKU
playoff spokesweeble
Lasorda off the Slimfast
fat penguin bastard
Rogers huge Stones fan
so many albums to choose
loves Sticky Fingers
an introduction
Carlos meet Uncle Charlie
not polite to stare
so it's game seven
and Yadi, Yadi, Yadi
the Mets blew the game
Shea sound system
same used on Noriega
different play list
Halloween in air
past October ghosts haunt Shea
Rogers, Benitez
October leaves Yanks
forsaken bats as a rake
Yanks October leaves
Kesey-esque Yankees
on the bus or under it
the merry Yanksters
Yanks' playoff offense
batting coaches come and go
none can stop the choke
Tiger credit flows
no admissions of sucking
offense won't own up
not all A-rod's fault
sixth fourth eighth then buy-bye
west coast and clean slate
A-rod's chin held high
just high enough for two balls
giant sucking sound
anti-South Park game
Yankees did not kill Kenny
fans yell, "you bastards!"
Rhodes scholar Morgan
"if Johson pitched a shutout
the game would be tied"
(paraphrased, but quite possibly the most moronically obvious utterance I've ever heard outside of Windham Hall, or shutuptimmccarver.com)
Mister Obvious
move over David Justice
Morgan takes the throne
useless Jeter bunt
batting champ wannabe's gaff
piss poor get a hit
Moose just collecting
no ace performance in him
option year my ass
8/22-8/25 Yanks sweep Sox at the Fens
Hair and beard long gone
Massacre like at Tate house
Pigs found Charlie's bat
a spotless Fenway
how could it be so dustless?
Yanks must have swept it
Fen's pen wonders when
Torre holds them once again
less than like a friend
Concert at the Fens
an Elmore James tribute show
Yanks play "Dust My Broom"
records set at Fens
the longest nine ever played
scoring twelve runs thrice
GROUNDHOG HAIKU
For purposes of illustration, above are two glimpses of the groundhog. The one on the left is a true gamer, he does his thing when called upon, gives the fans what they want, then goes back to sleep. The other groundhog (sometimes known as Carl Pavano or Danger Prone Daphne) makes about $10mil/year and when he sees his shadow, goes onto the d.l. for (at least) 6 weeks. The following were inspired from 8/06 - 4/07:
shadow is cast on bullpen
Groundhog back on shelf
still time to cause harm to self
Messersmith junior
Scooby Doo pitcher
Danger Prone Daphne with glove
disabled list lurks
Groundhog strikes again!
twenty mil right down the hole
must have seen shadow
Houdini-esque skills
Groundhog escapes the roster
cha-ching until spring
A few of the pot shots taken at A-Rod (or E-Rod as he's occasionally known) from 2006
full metal A-rod
fans beat him with bars of soap
four hundred foot stare
golden sombrero
can't wait to see huge new yacht
bought by E-rod's shrink
having a flashback
Aurelio Rodriguez
oh wait, he could field
player of month May
unjustified boos he says
let him prove it then
E-rod's two thousandth
an impressive three-run jack
but they're still losing
